The day I turned 28 and was not married, I could not be consoled. My deadline had approached. With certainty, my eggs would be dried up and no partner would choose my old womb.

WRONG.

Too many of us have a ‘deadline’ for starting a family. As a result of this, some jump into parenthood before they are ready or with partners they know are not quite right.

I am guilty of having lived the fear. I met my husband at 32. Ten years after my scary 28th birthday, my son was born and life changed forever.

After a year of mommy-hood I can honestly say I’m glad that life and God had me wait.

So if you are thinking that your deadline has passed; if you are a woman who is worried that having a baby is out of her reach; hell if you happen to just be a happy go lucky single chick with perky boobs who has neither chick nor child yet take a moment from your partying to read my tips for not yet mommies. Oh yes, this list also works for preggers chicks (preferably those who are happily preggers. Doh read my list and cry!):

  1. Sleep girl. Sleep!: Off all kicks, sleep in, sleep late, sleep alone in starfish position, sleep at 11am and again at 3pm. Nap for no Damn reason. When you are a parent, even when the child is asleep, you don’t sleep as soundly or as worry free.
  2. Just Do It: OMG put down your phone and go see the world. On the spur of the moment take up last minute invitations. Go hiking. Invite people over. Travel. LIVE WORRY FREE. Your ability to #justdoit changes after birth. Interpret the it there widely…
  3. Pee alone with the door open. I have a toddler, this is now a luxury.
  4.  Go running without a bra. I laugh at you. I laugh in my jogging bra that I have worn, post baby, in my sleep.
  5. Have a romantic dinner at a quiet fancy restaurant – after 8pm. seriously, maybe this sounds boring… I tried to eat at a buffet recently with baby in stroller at 6pm. 6:08pm I left with baby crying. Hungry.
  6. Curse and talk in slang: as parents you go be forced to talk as ‘propah’ as possible. Curse hard and worry free because when baby comes, that potty mouth becomes pottery barn, kid friendly!
  7. IMG-20170522-WA0010
    Actual photo of a mom watching TV on her phone while locked in the toilet…Note the seat is down. She’s hiding.

    Watch TV on a big screen: yeah… Actual, R rated, adult, shooting and killing or sexy TV with juicy story lines that need 100% of your attention to follow. Yes watch these shows. When children come Harry the Bunny and Paw Patrol take over your big TV. You watch delayed TV,  on your phone… on silent…with subtitles while locked in the toilet as a parent. In the dark.

  8. Get Hungover: Oh the joy of drinking and having a headache that you nurse while lying around aimlessly all of the next day. Having baby means dem days done.
  9. Buy the shoes: Treat yourself. Spend some (but save more) of your money. Get shoppers high. Cause hear nah… Shopping after baby just ain’t the same. GET. THE. SHOES.
  10. Enjoy the Mundane: bored? Ya damn lucky! That will soon change.
  11. Worry less: oh H E double hockey sticks, trust me single, childless people, worry less about clothes or people or crappie jobs. Just stay healthy, safe and spiritual. Life unfolds in the way it should. Live a good one and believe. Worry starts with the double blue line of the pregnancy test and continues through adulthood.

So right, dear 28 year olds…Dear pre-mommydom ladies… LIVE. Being a parent is indeed wonderful but so is the child free life. Enjoy the stages as they come.

Hugs and happiness.