Mondays are mommy killers. Seriously, Mondays must literally be designed to kill off women who were lucky enough to survive childbirth.
Without question Mondays are the days the shit hits the fan with some aspect of family life. I’m not saying the fan stays clean Tuesday through Sunday, but I am saying that Mondays…They suck supremely.
Sucking supremely means that Mondays are the days the baby will likely be cranky, or sick or vomit-ous just as you were about to run out the door (already 15 minutes late).
Mondays are the days that traffic is BLOW MIND. Why? Because every other Mum was late because they too were cleaning avocado sick off their clothing too.
Mondays are the days toddlers throw tantrums – in the car on the way to work or worse….in your neighbor’s car when you’ve organized a ride. They are the days the Ipad volume button is stuck on mute and your 6 year old is now listening to her adult ear destroying kiddie music at full volume – when you’re trying to hear the news so you can not sound like a village idiot when someone asks you about some current event in the office.
Surely, an answer to “you saw the Emmy’s” should never be “who is Emmy”.
And Mondays…the day after the family filled Sunday, are the days mummy is just T I R E D.
SO when mummy arrives to work and is asked by the ab-er-rific, well put together, hair all perfect, perky chick “how was your weekend?” who then bursts into regaling way-too-tired-omg-my-eyes-are-closing mummy about the:
- “absolutely awesome” or
- “ah-may-zing” spa or
- “best” restaurant
single chick who lives a life known only to mummies as life BC (ie: Before Child)…don’t be surprised when mummy just replies with a winced smile and says “good” in response to Ms. ab-er-if-ic’s query.
You see, you were Ms. Ab-erif-ic, but now, life AC (after child) is a world where Mondays are too unbearable to deal with. The days when Monday AM meetings can only be handled with not one, not two, but three cups of coffee – and even then, chances are you, as a mum of absolutely any nationality, will be wishing the coffee was wine.
The Monday meeting tends to drag. During same, mummy’s mind will wonder slightly to whether the iron/ stove/ flaming electrical outlet was still on. Mummy, during meeting, will have to fight the power to hold her chest from the at least 25 near heart attacks she has thinking about what she HAS to make time to do this week.
And once you survive the Monday AM meeting, managing to look alert and share updates without sounding like a total spaz, you leave the meeting to start your day…
Responding to the gah-zill-ion email/ phone/whatsapp messages about paracetamol, why you have not called back (insert angry grand parent’s real name here), ill pets or worse, now much delayed house and work projects that are indeed soon to result in damn near catastrophe. As soon as you finish two of the items on your Monday to do list, because its Monday, it will be 5:15 pm – when its already passed the time you MUST leave and pick up where your home life (that’s never behind you), left off.
But then…at some point, at some moment in the hectic day, between the traffic, vomit, literal and proverbial shit you will clean up as mummy, something great will happen. Your child will smile at you or caress you before they end Monday’s toil by fading into a peaceful sleep.
Then and only then, in the dim light of the night light…maybe still in your work clothes, still in your vomit stained work skirt…then you’ll remember that Mondays in the AC world are bad, but every other day has moments like these that make them all worth while.
So raise your glass tonight mummy dearests, you’d have survived another Monday soon. A day that even with all its madness, makes every other day with your child worth while.
Eat. Drink. Pray.
Tuesday is up next…